Where did Justin Bieber really come from?
It’s easy to look at Justin Bieber and think “He couldn’t be a normal human being!”, and you would be right
This is a story that runs far deeper than what the media would like you to believe. However, be warned that this tale is emotionally challenging as it is heartbreaking. Justin was born in a region way down South. There are many names for this region, but most people simply know it as Hell.
It’s got warm summers and the winters…….well……they feel pretty much like the summer too. Little old Justin was born into royalty and her father, the Lord of Darkness, noticed from an early age she had a talent to sing. You may have noticed that I referred to Justin as a girl and this is because she is one. It was only when she made the transition into Hollywood that she took on a male persona thanks to her rather ugly physique. Her father thought it would be easier to sell her as a boy among humans.
To get back to Justin’s talent, she had the most disturbing voice in all of Hell. The Lord of Darkness was so proud of his little girl’s voice that he used her in the darkest part of Hell to torture politicians, bankers, lawyers and boy bands. Her voice had the ability to make human ears bleed like lava rushing out of a volcano. It was said that if you listen long enough you would go blind and lose control of your bowels. But the Lord of Darkness had bigger plans for his little girl, so he decided to send her to America. It was time to replace his eldest daughter, Michael Jackson, but not before Justin found her feet first. Justin’s horns were broken off and strategically placed in order to mimic male organs, then she was sent her off to her guardian on earth, the guy who wrote the Twilight series.
After a few years of getting settled, Justin took “his” first step towards realizing “his” father’s dream. Despite the fact that Justin couldn’t produce male hormones, they kept trying to sell her off as a boy. The only way to do this was to cut her hair short and make a video where she sang her heart out. In turn this was placed on a popular website for all to see. It was the most beautiful noise the humans ever heard. Even Neil Diamond had to admit it was horrendously addictive. Soon there were people everywhere with bleeding ears, running around blindly in search of a toilet. The Lord of Darkness was pleased and all was good in the land of Hell.
P.S. This is a fictional article and should not be taken seriously. Unless you hate Justin Bieber of course.