If Angelina Jolie was a Car, what would she be?
While writing this I can hear the feminists yelling the familiar term “objectifying the female species” but luckily this is a site for male enjoyment. Nothing is more entertaining than sexy women next to sexy cars. It’s even better if we can compare the two. If it means anything, I will write the rest of this article with as much respect as possible. Now before we get to the headlining question, let’s observe a few entertainers who are making waves with their natural talent. I have taken the liberty of finding four other ladies to join Miss Jolie on this comparison list and without further interruptions, ladies start your engines.
No. 5 – Miley Cyrus
At the tender age of 21, this little pop-star has created some of the most controversy Hollywood has ever seen. Whether she is smoking weed on stage or riding naked on a wrecking ball, there is no denying that she has passed the teen years gracefully. She regards herself as a full-blooded woman and I’m just glad my name isn’t Billy Ray. Unless he has gone completely blind, it would be very difficult to avoid seeing your little girl plastered half naked just about everywhere (including here). Regardless, she is damn sexy and she knows how to use it with full authority. If Miley was a car she would definitely be a……….
Yep, there is no other car that can describe her features as perfectly as a Ferrari. She rushes in with blinding speed, leaves your blood pressure at a dangerous level, then disappears into the sunset in less than 60 seconds. In other words, she is a great tease.
No. 4 – Sarah Hyland
Most of you know her as Haley Dunphy, but this 23 year old is slowly becoming one of Hollywood’s most desirable women. At first everybody thought “What a cute face”, but then she introduced us to her two-piece bikini and all of a sudden everything changed. Now all the guys who watch Modern Family silently pray for Haley to go and visit her grandpa in order to take a swim. Don’t let her flakey character fool you, she is very intelligent and it’s only a matter of time before fans get to see this. If Sarah was a car she would be………
Nothing less than a Shelby Roadster. Apart from the fact that she will just look fantastic behind the wheel, she is dangerously sexy with just a hint of complete innocent fun. This is a perfect pair and I don’t care what the feminists say.
No. 3 – Mila Kunis
Admit it….you knew she was going to make an appearance. What would a sexy list be without this unbelievably gorgeous creature? Frankly it’s hard to believe that she is 30 years old, because she still looks like she just turned 21. She may have been a vixen in That 70’s Show, but nobody really cared. It was her contribution that made the show much more appealing. To make matters even worse, she starred in a movie with the lucky bastard Justin Timberlake, where she wore sexy little numbers for most part of the film. However, she did make one guy’s dream come true. Apparently a marine posted a video on YouTube, asking if she would accompany him to some type of fancy event sponsored by the US army. She graciously agreed and for this she gets my respect. If Mila was a car she would be……
A Lamborghini Gallardo. Do I really need to point out the obvious connection between the two? From head to toe Mila is flawless, just like the Gallardo is flawless from nose to rear. Her personality is wickedly fun with a sense of adventure, once again promoting features of this perfectly crafted car. If there was a mechanical version of Kunis then this would be it.
No. 2 – Jennifer Aniston
I don’t think I’ve ever seen one photo where Jennifer doesn’t look sexy. She’s come a long way since her role in FRIENDS, and at the age of 45 she looks better than ever. What surprised me the most has to be the elegant way she manages to talk dirty. If you haven’t seen Horrible Bosses yet, do yourself a favor and see what a fox Jennifer can really be. Her most appealing feature is her cute way of being sexy. In fact, she can say whatever she likes without sounding slutty at all. If Jennifer was a car she would be…….
You’ve guessed it, an elegant yet seductive Audio V8. It screams sophistication without losing any edge and this is exactly how Jennifer appears to her fans. She is aging in sensual style, but somehow she keeps on getting more attractive. It’s almost like she has invented the secret to staying young.
No. 1 – Angelina Jolie
The moment you’ve all been waiting for has arrived. I bet you’re thinking “What car can possibly justify the ambitious Angelina?” This wasn’t an easy choice, because she embodies everything the above mentioned ladies have. Nobody can play a better bad-ass, drama, seductive or action role than little miss sunshine over here. She can even portray a Disney character if she feels like it. Her talent as an actress can only be equaled by her physical attraction. What car would fit Angelina perfectly?
If you thought of any car other than a Mustang you obviously haven’t seen enough of her movies. This can be considered the all in one vehicle, only with a little more attitude. It has the perfect design, perfect sound and perfect power to ignite any fuel you can throw in there. Ultimately there are no words to describe either of them.
God bless cars and women.