How To Improve Your Dating Skills
If you are reading this then you are probably having some trouble with your dating skills. But don’t worry, after reading this things should pick up.
There is no disputing that men in general cannot stand rejection. The simple idea of a lady counterpart blowing a man off can cause major damage on various levels. Shame and a broken ego are like bullets to the brain when it comes to a man. No amount of preparation is enough when a guy thinks about approaching a girl. In his head everything runs smoothly until he actually stands in front of her, then it all pretty much goes to hell.
The moment rejection seeps through the thought pattern then a guy will systematically break down and decide against approaching any woman. There is nothing more intimidating and fear inducing. If a guy only starts to imagine the awkward situation that awaits him, if the girl happens to says no, then you can see him getting nervous where he stands.
It’s ironic when you think about it. Every step he takes toward the girl he wants to talk is like a pump that blows negative air into a balloon. This is also why the guy might choose to sidestep the whole idea in a matter of seconds, because deflating that balloon seems like a much better idea the more it gets inflated. Instant relief from all that pressure usually wins at the end of the day.
The worse part for the guy is feeling remorse for not going through with it the moment he had the chance. Even with all the pressure and negative thoughts still freshly imprinted in his mind, he will at some point regret walking away. This is an unfortunate, yet accurate truth most men suffer from.
What men don’t realize is that the mind can play evil tricks. They tend to melodramatize when it comes to playing out the scene in their head. It gives them time to focus on every bad little detail, when in reality it’s not that bad. There is a big distinction to be made between what they think is going to happen, and what truly occurs. Chances are the girl they picture is a lot more vicious than the one sitting across the room.
Most women are rather pleasant to approach because in a way they feel flattered. Worst case scenario is she can politely say she’s with someone else, not interested or smile and turn away. That sums up the negative side of taking a chance. Everyone knows that movies are made to blow things out of proportion, so unless the guy says something offensive her drink should remain in her glass.
For this reason it is crucial to avoid making predictions. Instead of a guy motivating himself it ends in a guy not even trying in the first place. Never underestimate the power of the mind. Rather just focus on a good, non-offensive opening line, fill it with confidence and walk across the room.
The conundrum that is rejection and how to handle it has been part of the male species for centuries. It shouldn’t be a big deal. She is just a person like everyone else and approaching her won’t cost anybody their job, home, car or cause the end of the world. It will sting for about 5 minutes, that is to say if the guy is even rejected, and life will go on. Nobody is sitting there with a notebook to record the event for all eternity.
What men in general would love to know is why rejection occurs in the first place. It’s important to note that rejection cannot really be associated with when the girl ignores a guy. If the girl is upset for some reason and starts to make a scene about being approached then the guy can start defining it as rejection; otherwise it shouldn’t be regarded as such.
In regards to reasons why rejection takes place, there are a few. A lot of men fail to see the difference between confidence and cockiness. Somewhere along the line some of them thought it to be a good idea to latch their arm around the girl they want and tell her how hot she looks. Only idiots will take this approach because rejection in this case is inevitable. On top of this stupid start of conversation, they will say something offensive like “nice pair you got there.”
Other guys tend to be overbearing. If the girl seems upset or irritated before the guy approaches, then it’s a good idea to not approach at all. Some men choose to ignore the frustration and will still bombard her with pickup lines. It should be fairly obvious when a lady is not interested, so when she politely declines the offer to buy her a drink, respect it.
Body language also plays a big part when trying to impress the opposite sex. A man darting his eyes in all directions while rubbing his sweaty palms is not an attractive sight. More-over it is rather creepy and doesn’t score any points. Being dressed accordingly and looking a girl in the eye when she talks should always be priority.
Reading a woman’s body language is also important. This will show any guy soon enough whether she has any interest of engaging in conversation. A guy should ignore all the books about tell-tale signs when women are flirting. Playing with her hair and licking her lips are not signs that she is approachable.
Guys shouldn’t forget that even women can get nervous when spoken to out of the blue. Take note of the way she reacts and how comfortable she is with the conversation. A girl will make it apparent if she’s interested or not without having to be nasty. The approach must always be based on mutual respect. The guy must accept that he doesn’t know everything and enquiring is a much better road to follow as supposed to speculating.
Ultimately the best advice comes in the form of experience. Taking time to study how other guys approach women and taking pointers from those who are successful is a very good idea. Overcoming the fear of rejection is made easier once a guy sees for himself how often real rejection actually takes place. If those bad ideas mentioned above aren’t part of the strategy then success will happen more often than not.
Once the evil picture in your mind gets proved wrong, the road is open and rejection won’t seem very harsh. Getting positive reactions from the ladies will automatically decrease the fear all together. In turn this will increase the confidence to follow through the act of talking the girl instead of just staring.
If these steps are too big to take then a guy should begin on a smaller scale. Making conversation with the waitress or cashier at the store is a very good start. These women get paid to be friendly and it will get a guy into the routine of talking with complete strangers. Don’t try pickup lines though. General topics or pleasant jokes should be the aim.
Preparing for these situations won’t hurt. A guy should think about what he is going to say and when he is going to say it. Just stumbling in and blabbering the first thought that comes to mind isn’t going to get any man very far unless they are known as Johnny Depp. Instead of imagining rejection, picture how good the conversation is going to flow.
Feeling humiliated is an emotion everybody, including women, will try to avoid. Women usually have a lot more empathy than men, so putting a guy down easy will be their first tactic if not interested. That is to say the guy wasn’t being a dumb-ass in his approach. The guy with a pleasant conversation starter will either get the girl or be nicely told to move on.
Guys should keep in mind that simply being able to talk to women doesn’t mean they will be attracted to them. The correct way of communication can do wonders for any relationship and finding the right way is going to take time. Someone might not be attractive from a distance, but perceptions change when in conversation. Upon developing tactics to approach a girl, the guy should also work on the follow-up discussion if he wishes to speak with her again.